Sometimes jokes are so stupid, so terrible, so annoying that people want to punch you, they earn the title of “DAD JOKE!”  Here are some classics:

Doctor: Sir, I have your test results back…

Patient: Did I pass? 

Doctor: You will soon.

Customer: I would like to buy a bagel with cream cheese, please.

Vender: Sorry, we only take cash.

Man: Do you have any kids?

Woman: I have one that’s just under two.

Man: I know what one is, thank you.

Doctor: I got your eye exam results back.

Patient: Can I see them?

Doctor: Probably not.

Patient: My back hurts whenever I wake up in the morning.

Doctor: Then wake up in the afternoon.

Wife: You are officially the cheapest man on earth.

Husband: I’m not buying it.

Wife: Did you just watch me fall and spill laundry all over myself?

Husband: Yes, I watched it all unfold.

Waiter: Comfortable, sir?

Man: No, come for food.

Daughter: Dad, how do I cast spells?

Dad: You just follow the instructions.

Daughter: Which instructions?

Dad: Yes, that’s the one.

Man: Can you help me? I don’t know what room I’m in.

Worker: Don’t worry sir, this room is called “The Lobby.”

Kid: Dad, I’m cold.

Dad: Then just go stand in the corner.

Kid: Why would I do that?

Dad: Because it’s 90 degrees.

Man 1: Why did your wife divorce you?

Man 2: She said I had such a bad sense of direction, I don’t know my lefts and rights.

Man 1: What did you do after she said that.

Man 2: I got so mad, I right.

Man: (Enters restaurant) Are there any available seats?

Waiter: Sorry, you’ll have to wait first.

Man: Ok. Can I take your order, sir?

Man: I’m just so afraid of dark, empty places.

Therapist: A void?

Man: Great advice!

Man: I saw a truck that had four wheels and flies.

Man 2: That’s impossible, sir.

Man: Yes it is, you’ve seen a garbage truck, right?

Kid: Hey Dad, did you know 10+10 and 11+11 equals the same thing?

Dad: No it doesn't!

Kid: Yes it does! 10+10 equals twenty, and 11+11 equals..

Dad: Twenty-two! Wait…

Customer: (Holds up muffin) is this gluten free?

Baker: No, you’ll still have to pay for it.

Man: When’s your birthday?

Woman: March 1st.

Man:(Marches) Okay, now when’s your birthday?