Disclaimer: Nobody reads my disclaimers, so I’m going to put the whole disclaimer in Kazakh. Жауапкершіліктен бас тарту: Егер сіз менімен келіспесеңіз, жақсырақ нәрселерді істеу керек. Отбасыңмен бірге бол. Жаңа достар табу. Қазақстанға саяхатты жоспарлаңыз. Жеміс тағамдары үшін қарызыңызды төлеңіз. Бірақ газетке айқайлап уақыт жоғалтып жатырсыз.

Do you understand me? No? Go boot up google translate. (Yes, I did make sure that it translates well).

15. Reese’s Cups:  Mmmm mmmm mmm, the delicious taste of Anaphylactic Shock! I may be slightly biassed due to the fact that I’ve never tasted one, and if I tried, it would literally kill me. Also, they have THE MOST annoying advertisements ever! Instead of trying to be funny or memorable, they’re just like “yOu KnOw yOU wAnT iT!” If the guy who makes Reese's advertisements happens to be reading this, I have some words for you: You may think you’re cool, but all you are is a disappointment to your family. Get a life.

14. Skittles: fake M&Ms. These are like raisin cookies, so I won’t bother writing a new paragraph. Skittles are a crime against humanity; the devil’s M&Ms. These are horrible. Imagine you wake up on a snowy December morning to the heavenly sound of M&Ms. One is waiting for you on the coffee table; you take a bite of this delectable candy and realise; it’s not M&Ms, it’s Skittles. You spiral into a homicidal frenzy. Skittles are the birthplace of murderers.

13. Tootsie Rolls:  Simply gross. These aren’t candy, they’re for kidnappers to clump together and shove into the mouth of their victims to gag them.

12. Candy Corn:  Yum, flavoured wax. If you melt down candy corn and put a wick in it, boom! You now have a candle! Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

11. Smarties: They are okay. Not bad, not great. Although, I read something about high-schoolers smoking smarties? That? That’s just weird.

10. Dum-Dums: Very variable. There are good flavours like Bubble Gum or Orange, but then there are also the bad flavours like Butterscotch or Root Beer. But with the bad flavours, they might not be good candy, but they are mighty fine projectiles!

9. Starburst:  Also variable. It would be seventh if it wasn’t for the Red and Pink flavours. Also, don’t eat these if they’re older than a month.

8. Swedish Fish: Pretty good. Actually, just today I learned there’s more than one flavour. Huh.

7. Hershey Bars:  Okay. The main reason they’re so popular is just because they’re nearby.

6. Crunch Bars: Pretty good. Not really much to say on these other than a nice crunch.

5. M&M: Very nice. They taste good, they don’t melt in your hands, and you can eat a bunch of them at once.

4. Mr. Beast Bars: Actually quite good. Dark Chocolate is always better than milk chocolate, and if you feel like arguing on that, well, Өмір ал.

3. Jolly Ranchers: They are pretty good. They’re also very variable. I’ve had six flavours, and I’ll rank them:

3F. Cherry: These things are awful. So bad. Mmmmm, cough medicine!

3E. Watermelon: Still cough medicine, but more bland, which in this case is a good thing.

3D. Blue Raspberry: pretty much the whole characteristic is sour. Minimal flavour. 

3C. Green Apple: same thing as blue raspberry, but slightly more sour.

3B Grape is good. 

3A. Orange is very good, and underrated. You can’t get it in a normal bag.

2. Mallo Cups: These are Reese’s Cups for Gigachads. That’s all I’ll say.

1.  Hershey Hugs: One of the few good uses of white chocolate. Seriously, try these.