I see no need to explain this. 

Disclaimer 1: Carbonated Milk is a soda, and if you disagree, [Insert mockery later]

Disclaimer 2. Mountain Dew is awful. Cry about it.

Disclaimer 3. If you actually cried about it, what are you doing, you absolute buffoon. 

Disclaimer 4. This is only sodas, no flat drinks, otherwise Choccy Milk and Tea will dominate.

Disclaimer 5. This is the last disclaimer.

Disclaimer 6. The previous disclaimer is lying.

10. Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew is TERRIBLE. It’s nasty. Accept it. Anybody who enjoys this is a Virginian Fortnite Player who has an irrational fear of a shower. It’s coloured like Chernobyl, and tastes like it too. 

Just why?

Why does this even exist?

It’s nasty; cry about it.

9. Root Beer.

I don’t understand this. It’s bad, and yet, somehow, a majority of people think it’s good? The real stuff’s better. It’s nasty, and only makes it evident that children crave Alcohol. They see their parents drink one beer, and then suddenly, they’re desperate to get their grubby little hands on it, so I say, alcohol did nobody any good, so ban it from the country, like in Flaerhart, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Kuwait, the UAE, Yemen, Oman, Palestine, Lebanon, Jordan, Syria, Egypt, Libya, Algeria, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Tunisia, Morocco or Iraq. Sam Rockmore for president 2024. Root beer floats are good though, although they could use a different soda, or hey, Choccy milk would work great with chocolate ice cream. Coke with Vanilla Ice cream also sounds good.

8. Doctor Pepper

This tastes like if you put a Plutonium Bomb in a blender, then drank it. This garbage burns like paint remover. For some reason, my father likes this stuff. He’s a lunatic.

7. Starry

Starry is a ripoff of Sierra Mist, which was a rip-off of Sprite and 7-Up.

Needless to say, I discourage plagiarism. Sierra Mist tried to reverse-engineer Sprite and 7-Up, and didn’t do all that well. Then, Starry tried to reverse engineer Sierra Mist, and that’s how we ended up with the most empty Lemon-Lime soda ever.

6. Fanta

Fanta’s actually really good, but I had to put it down here for historical reasons.

Who made Fanta?

IT’S THE NAZIS. The Nazis invented Fanta, and it was literally a Nazi staple.

When the Nazis captured a country, they changed all of their Coke factories to Fanta. But hey, Fanta is really good though, so I still had to put it high.

5. Pepsi

Pepsi isn’t exactly coke, but they did okay. Pepsi is just kinda mid, but hey, I actually like their logo better.

Also, to get Pepsi in the Soviet Union, the Soviet Union sold Pepsi some decommissioned ships, causing Pepsi to have the 6th largest navy, until they sold the boats to Sweden for scrap metal.

4. Sprite

Sprite is good. I prefer 7-Up by a long shot, but Sprite is good too. This is an argument where I’m actually fairly tame.

3. Coke

Please, go back to the old recipe, I want that pure Colombian Cocaine 

actual sugar. But yeah, Coke is good. It’s solid, and can keep you awake. It is a really basic favourite though.

2. 7-Up

Oh god, this is so good. It’s like Sprite, but god tier. If it’s an option, I’ll take my 7-Up, because they almost definitely don’t have my favourite.

1. Milkis

This is Carbonated Milk. It’s fantastic, please trust me. If I saw a six pack of Milkis, but the only way to get it is to nuke Slovakia, well, Slovakia is gone.

But yeah, a nice, cold carbonated milk hits different. There’s an East Asian Market right off of Blue Course, next to the Enterprise Car Rental Company. A 6 pack of Carbonated Milk is $8.50.

Buy it.

Now.

Or else. I found a website where I can legally buy Uranium, so you better listen.