Sometimes jokes are so stupid, so terrible, so annoying that people want to punch you, they earn the title of “DAD JOKE!” Here are some classics:
Doctor: Sir, I have your test results back…
Patient: Did I pass?
Doctor: You will soon.
Customer: I would like to buy a bagel with cream cheese, please.
Vender: Sorry, we only take cash.
Man: Do you have any kids?
Woman: I have one that’s just under two.
Man: I know what one is, thank you.
Doctor: I got your eye exam results back.
Patient: Can I see them?
Doctor: Probably not.
Patient: My back hurts whenever I wake up in the morning.
Doctor: Then wake up in the afternoon.
Wife: You are officially the cheapest man on earth.
Husband: I’m not buying it.
Wife: Did you just watch me fall and spill laundry all over myself?
Husband: Yes, I watched it all unfold.
Waiter: Comfortable, sir?
Man: No, come for food.
Daughter: Dad, how do I cast spells?
Dad: You just follow the instructions.
Daughter: Which instructions?
Dad: Yes, that’s the one.
Man: Can you help me? I don’t know what room I’m in.
Worker: Don’t worry sir, this room is called “The Lobby.”
Kid: Dad, I’m cold.
Dad: Then just go stand in the corner.
Kid: Why would I do that?
Dad: Because it’s 90 degrees.
Man 1: Why did your wife divorce you?
Man 2: She said I had such a bad sense of direction, I don’t know my lefts and rights.
Man 1: What did you do after she said that.
Man 2: I got so mad, I right.
Man: (Enters restaurant) Are there any available seats?
Waiter: Sorry, you’ll have to wait first.
Man: Ok. Can I take your order, sir?
Man: I’m just so afraid of dark, empty places.
Therapist: A void?
Man: Great advice!
Man: I saw a truck that had four wheels and flies.
Man 2: That’s impossible, sir.
Man: Yes it is, you’ve seen a garbage truck, right?
Kid: Hey Dad, did you know 10+10 and 11+11 equals the same thing?
Dad: No it doesn't!
Kid: Yes it does! 10+10 equals twenty, and 11+11 equals..
Dad: Twenty-two! Wait…
Customer: (Holds up muffin) is this gluten free?
Baker: No, you’ll still have to pay for it.
Man: When’s your birthday?
Woman: March 1st.
Man:(Marches) Okay, now when’s your birthday?