Disclaimer: If you’re offended by my placement of Animal Crossing or Fortnite, do me a favour, and seek a brain surgeon to fix you.
Disclaimer 2: If you think a different game should be on top, you are the reason Shampoo has instructions. You are the blight on our society. Play Xenoblade 2 and 3. Become a higher being. Xenoblade will change your life. Give in to it now.
Disclaimer 3: No, I did not copy Vin, this was my idea and he wanted to do it as well; my articles just take longer.
Terrible Games----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15. Fortnite, I’ve been advised not to put in my original description so as to not offend the three people that play this game unironically, but if you want to read the original paragraph, it is linked here.
14. Animal Crossing (Specifically New Horizons) is very boring. The whole premise of the game is to build relationships with the villagers but how are you meant to do this and become attached to them when personality = no? Also, there’s a bunch of wait a day cooldowns which are the most annoying thing ever.
13. Cuphead. I like hard games, but this, if you’ve ever beaten this, you deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not obliterating your Nintendo Switch.
Okay Games-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12. Minecraft is really, super overrated. It’s an okay game, don’t get me wrong. But the top selling video game of all time? Really? I mean, yeah, it’s a fun game, but I’ll keep it in 12th.
11. Mario Kart is a nice game. One of the first six I’ve ever gotten. It’s a pretty nice game, and easy to play. However, it’s only good when you have other people to play with.
10. Pokemon Scarlet is a great game, but also a laggy, buggy mess. If Nintendo would fix this, it would overtake Mario Odyssey. If the switch can run Xenoblade 2, which is older, and looks better, it should be able to run this game just as well, if not better.
9. Super Mario Odyssey, my first ever Switch game. A great game for people trying to get hooked on Switch gaming. It is kinda really easy, and I’ve beaten it fifteen times.
Good Games-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Legends of Zelda, Breath of the Wild is a great game. It’s open world and not too difficult, making it excellent for beginners, yet hard enough to still be fun for experts.
7. Turnip Boy commits Tax Evasion. Yes, this is an actual game. I did not make it up. It’s a charming little game with a weirdly good story, and great gameplay. I actually 100%ed this game and it was fairly difficult, but not as bad as most of the other games on my excellent list.
6. Super Smash Bros, one of my favourite party games. Even though I cream anyone who plays against me, it just doesn’t get old. Plus, unlike Mario Kart, this has a story mode.
5. Just Shapes and Beats. The best rhythm game, by far. It also works as a party game, letting you and your friends team up, but again, I have three friends, and lucky for me, this game has a great story mode. A game that can tell a story without words is automatically a great game.
Fantastic Games---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Undertale. Where do I start? This game, for a retro looking game, surprisingly has a nice art style. It has great music (Megalovania, one of the most famous meme songs came from this game!) With three different paths, the game is very replayable. By the way, the paths are Neutral, Pacifist, and Genocide. I’ll explain them a little. Neutral is normie Undertale, where you kill some of the monsters. This mode has a bunch of different endings depending on which bosses you kill. Pacifist is more difficult, but still not too bad, and has, by far, the best possible ending. Finally, Genocide is maniac Undertale. This is impeccably difficult and I’m pretty good at video games, but I have never beat Sans, the final boss of this route. Lastly, if you think this is the best ending, I will throw you into the Garvaza gas crater, (also known as the gates of hell.) because seriously, if you think mass-slaughtering likeable characters is the funnest thing imaginable, get help.
3. Hollow Knight, a masterfully made game. The Devs put so much thought and effort into this game, it’s absurd. Like, just look at the map.
Image Source: Scriptors War
This game has an excellent story for you to piece together, but I’ll explain it a little. If you hate spoilers more than anything else, skip to the final game.
You play as the Knight, one of very many vessels created by the White King in the Abyss to stop the infection. You are not the Hollow Knight. The infection is this slop that makes all the bugs go crazed and homicidal, that sprouted from the Radiance, who is trapped inside the Hollow Knight who is sealed behind a door locked by three dreamers, who are locked in eternal sleep. You, as a pathetic little vessel, have to collect various items so you can platform across this beautiful game. You end up falling down a hole and into Resting Grounds, where you get the Dream nail, which you can use to access the minds of the dreamers and kill them. You can’t kill them straight up because of some sort of forcefield, so you go into their minds and kill them. You collect essence so you can fully power up the dream nail and enter White Palace, which, I’ll describe the platforming in there in one word: vruefheriuvreuifwe9fbwruifbwiurfbrbviwvbiwrbwuifbiuufbeuireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagodhelpme. When you finally finish with your Joy-Cons in one piece, you bash the corpse of the white king to find the Kingsoul, well… half of it. Oh, god, please don’t tell me that there’s more platforming and a really hard boss waiting for me… Cry harder, Cringeling, because that’s what’s next! You go into Queen’s Gardens, do more tough platforming, kill the Traitor Lord, and talk to the White Lady, who gives you the other half of the Kingsoul, then go to the Void to turn the Kingsoul into the Void heart, then go to the Hollow Knight, beat him up, he barely puts up a fight; he’s basically an Emo Zombie thing, and it would honestly be worse if it actually put up a fight.. You dreamnail it and go into its mind, and kill the Radiance, which is as hard as White Palace, maybe worse. Oh, but just you wait, I haven’t mentioned the post-game! There’s the trial of the fool, which is named that, because you’re a fool for trying it. There’s the Pantheons which are boss rushes, Pantheon 5 is every boss in the game, plus Absolute Radiance, which is just the Radiance, but Faster, Stronger, and has Double HP. I’ve never made it to P5 or the Absolute Radiance, but my friend Vin has, and he also made a review for this game which I’ll link here. Also, this game is beautiful and has fantastic music. When I say fantastic music, I mean FANTASTIC music. Word of advice: When you reach Deepnest, do everything in Deepnest when you’re in there and never come back.
2. Xenoblade Chronicles 3, excellent game. I got it for Christmas this year, and it’s an absolute masterpiece, however, I haven’t finished it, and when I do, I’ll put up a review in the newspaper. But yeah, great game. I’ve been waking up at 5 AM just to play this game. It’s similar to the second one, but also so different at the same time. This is a masterpiece.
1. Xenoblade Chronicles 2, my favourite game. My god, these games are packed with content. First of all, this game is the closest to perfect you’ll ever get. First of all, this game, like the other Xenoblade games, is absolutely stunning. The characters are incredibly well written, really well designed, and extremely likeable (Except Rex, I find him kinda cringe…); my favourite video game character ever, Pyra, is from this game. But anyway, back to ranting about how great this game is. This game is the fourth most played game on my family’s Switch, even though I’m the only one in my house who plays this game. This game is huge. It took me around 250 hours on my first playthrough of this game. Also this game has some of the most underrated music in all of gaming. My personal favourite is the Mor Ardain theme, which I’ll link here for anyone who wants to hear it. I’m not going to spoil the entire plot, but I’ll give a rundown of the start of the game. Well, first, I have to explain some of the basic lore. There’s these things called drivers and blades. The drivers start as normal humans and the blades start as rocks called Core Crystals. A worthy human touches the rock, becoming a driver and awakening a blade. The blade’s main lifeforce is the driver. If/when the driver dies, the blade turns back into a rock and loses its memory. There’s also the architect, who is basically god, and the Aegises, which are basically super legendary blades. You play as Rex, a little bladeless cringeling. He’s a salvager, a guy whose job it is to pull junk out of the cloud sea. He’s at the Argentum trade guild, and the guy who runs it, Bana, tells Rex that he’ll get 200,000 gold if he works with two really scary looking guys, and an actual cat-girl (Cat-people are one of the many races in Xenoblade 2; they’re more commonly referred to as ‘Gormotti’ which is based on the Titan of Gormott. Oh, did I mention that everyone lives on these massive things called Titans, although Rex’s adoptive grandpa is a Titan, just not one of those huge ones.) But yeah, they’re gonna go salvage an old boat. So, Rex goes onto the old boat, kills some monsters, and goes into a room with some girl in a pod, and a sword next to it. Rex does as much as touch the sword, and gets stabbed by one of the people he was sent with. Rex goes into some sort of dream, meets Pyra, reveals herself as the Aegis, and splits her Core Crystal with Rex to bring him back to life in exchange for Rex to take her to Elysium, which is basically heaven, but at the top of the world’s tallest tree. He comes back to life with Pyra, and the two of them attempted to beat up the people that killed Rex, the cat-girl betrays the evil guys, and the three of them get clobbered, and they land in Gormott. I can’t explain much more without spoiling anything, but this game is the best game ever. This game has an optimal setup if you’re playing for a long time. What you need: Blanket, Xenoblade 2, Nintendo Switch, Couch, Choccy Milk, and a wine glass. Fill the wine glass with choccy milk and set it on the arm of the couch. Boot up your switch and open Xenoblade 2. Put the switch in handheld mode and get on the couch, get comfy, throw the blanket on yourself and play Xenoblade until your Switch dies or you realise that it’s midnight and you should go to sleep. Please, please play this game.