You’ve probably heard of the Trojan Horse and/or Trojan War. This is the story of the Trojan War, from the displeasure of Eris to getting back Helen. But a small disclaimer: I will be telling what I’m pretty sure is Homer’s version of the war from the Iliad. Which means Helen is not in Egypt. Just wanted to clear that up.
It started with Thetis. Thetis was a sea nymph that multiple men wanted to marry. Two of these men were Zeus (because, who doesn’t he like?) and Poseidon (who is basically her boss). But soon enough a prophecy from the Oracle of Delphi changed everything. The prophecy stated that Thetis’s son would be stronger than his father. This was a huge problem for the gods pining after her because they had a family history of usurping fathers. Kronos did it to Uranus, and Zeus and his siblings did it to Kronos. Kronos even ate his kids so they would usurp him but it seems they wanted to do it more. So they urged other mortal men to marry the nymph. And one finally was able to marry her. Peleus had captured Thetis and forced her to be his wife. She reluctantly agreed.
When the wedding was held, all the gods were invited. All except Eris. She often stirred up drama amongst the gods, and ERis was known as the goddess of discourse. Upset she wasn’t invited, Eris hatched a plan. She picked a Golden Apple of Hysparites which you may remember from the 12 Labors of Heracles. She then etched in the words, “To the most beautiful”. She teleported into the wedding and started her plan. She said the apple would be gifted to the most beautiful goddess. But before she said she would choose, she tossed it right into the air and popped out. This led to an argument between three goddesses: Hera, Queen of the Gods and goddess of women and marriage, Athena, goddess of wisdom, crafts, and battle strategy, and Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty. They then turned to Zeus to decide. Trying to not be biased, he chose a mortal to decide. And he ended up choosing Paris.
Paris was the prince of Troy, except he didn’t know it yet. Before he was born his parents received a prophecy that said that Paris would bring destruction to Troy. So after he was born, Paris’s parents sent a servant to kill him. But the man didn’t, and raised the child to be a shepherd. This is where Paris is now, a shepherd. Hermes, the messenger of the gods, told him he was chosen to be a judge and choose the most beautiful goddess. But after a while of trying to get a good look, the goddess’s resorted to bribery. Hera promised him power and money, Athena the power to win a war, and Aphrodite the promise of the most beautiful women in the world. In the end Paris chose Aphrodite as the most beautiful.
We now travel to Sparta, where the most beautiful mortal women lived. She was the princess, and one of Zeus’s few daughters, Princess Helen of Sparta. Multiple people were looking for her hand in marriage, and with all the great wedding presents and huge offers, the half-father of Helen needed help in choosing a husband. So he invited all the suitors to the palace to choose one. But he realized that no matter who he chooses, the other suitors would be enraged. And so the king requested the help of the cleverest man in Greece, Odysseus. After requesting help, Odysseus came up with a plan. But he wanted payment for this plan in the form of a bride. He requested to marry Penelope. In order to make a decision, Helen’s father agreed. Odysseus just needed to enact the idea, so he made all the suitors swear an oath that if Helen was taken, they would swarm to her rescue, even if they weren’t her husband. The soldiers agreed, and that was that. In happiness, her father allowed Helen to choose her husband. She chose Menelaus, brother of Agamemnon.
Now soon after, Paris learned he was the prince of Troy. And when he was sent to Sparta, he met the most beautiful women in the world, Helen. When he got there, Aphrodite kept her promise. She cast a spell on Helen, making her to become smitten by the newly instated prince of Troy. And soon, they left. Helen and Paris escaped Sparta, and sailed to Troy a few days later. As you can imagine, Menelaus was outraged. And so, Helen was stolen, which meant that oath came into play. Odysseus didn’t think it would actually happen again (Theseus, champion of the Labyrinth did at one point), but it did. So all the suitors got ready to sail, as Helen was the face that launched a hundred ships, except for one. Odysseus himself. He was happily married to Penelope and had a new born son named Telemachus. And so the Greeks sent the second most clever person in Greece to get him on board, Palamedes. To make the leaders of the war, Menelaus and Agamemnon, think he was insane. He made a plow with an ox on one side and horse on the other and tried to plant seeds with it. But Palamedes saw through the trick and put baby Telemachus in front of the plow. Odysseus hopped off to save his child, but the cost? Going to Troy.
There is another hero who we need to cover. You may have heard of him. There is a tendon named after him in your heel. That’s right, Achilles. You remember that wedding at the beginning of the story? Well afterwards, they had a son, Achilles. But when he was a young child, his mother brought him to the River Styx. Why? Well touching the water turns that area immortal. So Thetis dipped her baby boy into the river, only his father thought she was killing the son. There was one part that didn’t get wet. His Achilles Heel. Overtime he grew into a great warrior and was raised by the centaur Chiron. And soon was hired to help in the Trojan War.
It was time to go to Troy. They had the smartest and strongest men in Greece on their side. It was time to sail. But the wind wouldn’t blow. So Agamemnon asked Zeus what was happening. Zeus told him that he had angered the goddess Artemis and he needed to sacrifice his daughter to get the winds blowing. The only problem was he didn’t exactly bring Iphigenia. So he sent a letter to his wife Clytemnestra (who was also the sister of Helen) saying that Iphigenia was going to get married to Achilles, and that she didn’t need to come. But Clytemnestra came and stayed anyway. And so when she learned her husband sacrificed her, she was outraged. There are actually two versions of this part. One where Iphigenia dies, and the one we’ll use, where she is saved by Artemis. If you want to know how annoyed Clytemnestra was, let’s just say after 10 years of waiting she decapitated him in the bathtub, to put it lightly.
It was now time to sail, and off they went. The war lasted 10 years and they got into hijinks. But you will need to go a bit more in depth if you want to know about that. Though the important thing to know is that Achillies, like predicted, is dead.
Odysseus soon enough had an idea. Blessed by Athena after stealing something from the Trojans, he built the giant horse - the Trojan horse. Now, I’m skipping over a lot for this, but it did happen. Well, to make a long story short, the Trojans welcomed the wooden horse and celebrated what they thought was victory. Why a victory? Because they thought the horse was a gift to Poseidon. Soon at night, the Greeks came out of the horse, ready to win.
The soldiers attacked the Trojans, and Menelaus went to get his precious Helen and they lived happily ever after, blah blah blah.
I skimmed over a lot in the story, but this is one of the most popular Greek myths in the world. I’m using the story that the National Geographic podcast Greeking Out used, so if you want to know more, check out season 6.