Hey, it’s me, Sam Rockmore, remember how I ranked every month? Now I’m doing it with chocolate milk. What I’m ranking it on is taste, overratedness (The more overrated it is, the less points it gets.), and how easy it is to get. Thanks to my friend P.J at chocolate milk reviews for his descriptions.
Disclaimer: If your favourite is Meyer Dairy, you can stay mad.
Chocolate Milk Brands Being Ranked: Byler, Valewood, Meyer Dairy, Gallikers, Penn State Creamery, and Homemade.
Eighth: Meyer Dairy. 9/30
I mean, the stuff is good, not at all notable, but good. It got 5/10 points in the taste department, 4/10 because you can only get it in one place, but at least it’s nearby but, Meyer Dairy, Frankly, Is THE MOST OVERRATED CHOCOLATE MILK EVER. Every time I talk about chocolate milk, someone will pipe up and be like, “oH, hAVe yOU tRiED mEYeR DaIRy? iT’S tHAt gOOd!” Meyer Dairy is not that good. Stay mad. Chocolate milk reviews:
The fat content outperforms its ‘reduced’ (2%) billing from a creaminess standpoint, lending an indulgence supported (but not highlighted) by cocoa flavour.
Oh also, I emailed him and asked him about Meyer Dairy, these were his exact words: The fact that Meyer Dairy has a big following in the State College area is a clear cut example of the old adage "People like what they know, and don't know what they like." It's local, it's available, it's even in glass bottles (ooh...). So why do they cap their chocolate milk at 2%? Definitely not surprised though that it's loved by the locals-- but there's lots of better chocolate milk in that area (Reedsville Creamery is fantastic, obviously Byler, and even the Berkey (whole) choc milk is better in my opinion)
Seventh: Galliker's chocolate milk. 10/30
Who? Why? When? Why does this exist? Who makes this garbage? It only scored 10 points because it’s available pretty much everywhere in the state. Our school buys this nasty gunk for some reason, when there are so many better chocolate milks in the area. The chocolate is more like hand sanitizer than chocolate, and the milk tastes slightly off. Chocolate milk reviews’ description: Sweetish start, and relatively watery conclusion to each sip. It neither stands above nor dips below ‘average’ in any major way.
Sixth: Valewood (11/30). This, this doesn’t taste like chocolate milk? It feels like you’re drinking something just to drink. There is no chocolate whatsoever. It’s still pretty underrated (8/10), because absolutely nobody knows what this is. It doesn’t have chocolate? Taste: (1/10) You can only buy it in one store in a different town so it scores a 2/10 here. Still not great.
Fifth or Fourth: Chocolate Water (15/30) You may be asking yourself, “Why?” Instead, ask yourself, “Why not?” Chocolate water is created with water, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and a spoon. (10/10) in easiness to get. I mean, it doesn’t taste great, but not that bad either, (2/10) and it’s slightly underrated. (3/10)
Also, Audrey Condon gives it a 30/30. (I was interviewing people in art.) Chocolate Milk Reviews has not rated this. Yet.
Fourth or Fifth: Homemade (15/30) It’s super overrated but tastes better than chocolate water. I’ll cut to the chase on this one. Taste: 5/10. Overratedness: 0/10. Easiness to get: 10/10. Chocolate milk Reviews has not reviewed this either.
Third: Creamery (16/30). It’s a nice, basic chocolate milk, but great taste wise. 10/10. Sure, you can only get it in one place, but it’s downtown, so I give it a 6/10. It wouldn’t be overrated, but if you google the best chocolate milk, The Creamery will show up. Super Overrated. (0/10) Chocolate Milk Reviews: Straightforwardly delicious, whole chocolate milk that easily could be the standard for university creameries across the nation. Everything looks and feels in place, it doesn’t take a lot of risks, but doesn’t need to in order to warm the heart.
Second: Halo Farm (20/30) Halo Farm. You may be asking what that is. It’s an amazing chocolate milk in Trenton, New Jersey. Of course, being in a different state and in one store, it has to get a zero on easiness to get, sadly. The taste is ten, it’s amazing, but not as good as first place. It’s ten for overratedness, since nobody here knows what it is. If you happen to go to Trenton, you have to try this. Sadly, Chocolate Milk Reviews has not tried this yet.
First: Byler's (31/30) The best chocolate milk in the realm. If you disagree, stay mad, and try this chocolate milk. There is a lot to say about this one. First of all, it’s goat milk, which the main difference I can taste is that it’s extra creamy. Also, if you’re lactose intolerant, you can still drink this, due to the fact that goat milk doesn’t have as much lactose. Second of all, Mr. Byler, the guy who makes this chocolate milk is one of the nicest people I know. And third, it’s completely amazing taste wise as well. The taste is also amazing, the best of all time. 14/10 for taste. Unlike Meyer Dairy, it’s actually that good. 10/10 for overratedness, since nobody knows what this even is. 7/10 for how easy it is to get, you can find it at our Wegmans, various farmers markets, and his actual farm in Belleville. One more time: If you disagree, stay mad.
Drink Mr. Byler’s chocolate milk and read my other stuff, see you next time,
-Sam Rockmore